Stresslines – Reducing stress by redefining success
Reducing stress by redefining success
Cindy Lenoff Zatzman
Quality of Life and Career Committee
How do you define success? This is an important question for several reasons, but the most important reason to answer is to save yourself from unnecessary stress.
Many of us create stress for ourselves by attempting to measure our progress in life by another person’s definition of what success means. For example, my first husband was very unhappy for a period during our marriage because he was measuring his professional success by his father’s definition. Success to his dad meant the acquisition of substantial wealth.
My first husband was working in video production at the time, and was very good at what he did. He really enjoyed the hands-on work of running a camera, running an audio board, serving as director of a video production. Although he was not actively engaged in a process of amassing wealth in terms of dollars, he really enjoyed his work. Based primarily on the way he was defining success, he found himself in a quandary, and began seeking managerial level positions. He chose this path because it was the more likely path to acquiring dollars. What he ultimately learned from the experience was that he was much happier working the “floor” for video production than working in the managerial background.
This definition of success, meaning financial success (the acquisition of wealth), is common in the legal profession. Many attorneys have been heard to claim that they “can’t” change their career direction, despite any stress or unhappiness they might be experiencing at the moment, because they can’t afford to take a loss of income.
John Perloff, a Florida attorney with 17 years of practice experience, has described this phenomenon as the “golden handcuffs.” The phenomenon is quite real and is becoming more prevalent. This may be due, in part, to the fact that many young attorneys find themselves entering the profession with huge educational debt. As a result, they create a belief for themselves that they must sign on to the rainmaker path in order to generate enough income to satisfy their debt obligations and still afford some reasonable quality of life standard. While there is certainly some level of truth to this assumption, it can set one on a path of defining success by external standards, rather than one’s own internal definition. This creates unnecessary stress.
This is not to imply that stress should, or can, be entirely eliminated from life. There are certain advantages to having stress, primarily when it can create an opportunity for an optimum experience. There is a definite difference in the experience of winning a moot court trial as compared to a real trial, where someone’s life or livelihood can be on the line. While the moot court experience can be quite satisfying, winning the real trial can help to create a satisfaction experience that is otherwise unattainable. What is being suggested, even recommended, here is that we acknowledge that we have the power to choose when and how stress impacts our lives. We can identify unnecessary stressors, and eliminate them if we so choose.
One of the easiest ways to reduce stress is to examine how you define success. Are you measuring your success by an intrinsic, internal barometer, or are you using a definition imposed by external sources? In order to realistically assess this point, examine all the things in your life that carry personal importance weight with you.
Is it important to be a good parent? If so, how do you define what a good parent looks like? Is it important to care for your parents well? If so, what does that mean to you? Are you actively engaged in community service activities, such as providing pro bono services? What level of personal satisfaction do you derive from those services? And while you are examining these other parts of your life, remember that quality of life does not necessarily require a reduction in income. When you are bringing a less-stressed, happier self into your office each day, you are likely to find that you are more productive and efficient. If you are measuring your personal success by internal measurements, you are likelier to be happy with your work and the results that come from your effort.
How do you define success?
Cindy Lenoff Zatzman is a speaker and writer in the field of practical ethics and collaborative practice. She presently serves as chair of The Florida Bar’s Quality of Life and Career Committee. In addition to operating a limited law practice, she focuses her energies on her work as an educator, developer, and promoter of peace-making practices.
