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A Florida lawyer’s journey through addiction and recovery

Senior Editor News in Photos

Florida Lawyers Assistance, Inc., is staffed with licensed mental health experts and addiction specialists and sponsors a wide variety of online and in-person support groups and programs

John Lesko

One of the biggest challenges, says FLA’s John Lesko, an attorney and certified addiction professional, is that lawyers pride themselves in their dedication to helping clients but ignore their own needs. ‘People who are really, really skilled, and really responsible, people who are really good lawyers, good community members, good family members, you can do all of that, but you’ve got to take care of yourself.’

Juggling court appearances with voluntary bar meetings, parent-teacher conferences, a babysitter’s schedule. Mastering the latest AI tool. Keeping the lights on and the paralegal paid.

Attorneys know the privilege of practicing law comes with a constant companion, says John Lesko, an attorney and certified addiction professional.

“The average 12-year-old will tell you it’s stress,” Lesko says.

But as the veteran Florida Lawyers Assistance, Inc., outreach coordinator travels the state, he urges audiences to rethink the notion.

“Substitute ‘trauma’ for the word ‘stress,’” he says. “It feels very different, doesn’t it?”

Not the big “T” trauma that results from a severe injury, Lesko says, but the little ‘t’ trauma that comes with the daily shouldering of other people’s burdens, being responsible for protecting someone’s liberty, or financial future, without full control of the outcome.

Addressing a few dozen lawyers recently in a Tallahassee conference room, Lesko suggested an example.

“We all know that trauma response when you’re riding in your car, you’ve got your cell phone going, and your kid’s play on your mind, and you look up, and the car in front of you is stopped,” he said.

The adrenaline hit and trembling hands generated by a near miss in traffic wear off soon enough, but repeated exposure to low-level trauma over extended periods can take a heavy toll on the most dedicated professional, Lesko said.

The proof is in statistics that show lawyers suffer substance use and mental health disorders at much higher rates than the general population, Lesko says.

He should know.

As a beginning workers compensation lawyer in his native Ohio decades ago, Lesko was a 29-year-old hot shot, enjoying early success.

“Lawyers would call me, and say, how did you do that? I didn’t have all the answers, but I enjoyed the attention.”

That was before a “social drinking habit,” and a “social cocaine habit” devolved into snorting oxycontin every morning for breakfast, cocaine for lunch, and whatever struck his fancy after work.

Lesko maintained the routine for years, thinking his secret was safe. Sometimes he would catch his paralegal crying, but assumed she had a family problem.

“I ran into her years later, and she said, no, we just couldn’t watch you killing yourself,” he said. “I did $1,000 worth of cocaine and heroin a day until the money ran out.”

Recovery involved six trips to rehab, and a prison stay. Friends and fellow inmates complained he shouldn’t be locked up for being an addict, but Lesko saw it differently.

If he could relive any of the previous 15 years, he told them, it would be the one behind bars; prison has a release date.

“For the previous 15 years, I went to bed every night planning for things to be different,” he said. “I told myself, I’m going to get help, and every morning, when my feet hit the floor, I would say, who am I kidding? And then I would go to my drug dealer.”

Shame, embarrassment, fear of disbarment, are powerful motivators for an addicted lawyer to avoid help, Lesko said.

The Florida Supreme Court recognized that in 1986, when at the urging of Florida Bar leaders, it created Florida Lawyers Assistance with “locked down, guaranteed confidentiality,” Lesko said.

“If you call me and say my partner right there has this big bag of cocaine in her desk, and she runs a cocaine trafficking ring, and she’s stealing money from the trust fund, and she’s showing up in court impaired, that information is not reportable by FLA.”

Lesko acknowledges that many in the room have probably heard that FLA performs monitoring as part of its mission.

Requests for evaluation of an attorney usually follow from The Florida Bar’s grievance/discipline process. Occasionally, monitoring of law students and attorneys consists of the student or lawyer entering into a monitoring agreement with FLA.

“Terms of the agreement may vary depending on the participant’s history, whether the person is a mental health, substance abuse, or co-occurring disorder client, and whether the Bar, Board of Bar Examiners, or Florida Supreme Court have set specific conditions,” FLA Clinical Director Scott Weinstein wrote in a 2018 Bar News column.

Calling Lesko to intervene with a law partner or associate who is struggling will always be strictly confidential, Lesko says, even if the help is refused.

That’s important to remember, Lesko stressed, because seeking help, or reaching out for a colleague, can save a life.

Another troubling statistic backs it up, Lesko said, referring to studies that show for every 100,000 people in the general population, 13 can be expected to die by suicide in an average 12-month period.

“Switch that to lawyers, 12 months, and 69 will die by their own hand,” he said.

The good news, Lesko said, is that stress and low-level trauma can be managed. FLA is staffed with licensed mental health experts and addiction specialists and sponsors a wide variety of online and in-person support groups and programs.

Since April 2024, FLA has been led by Executive Director Carol Parks, MBA, MS, CMHP, CRRA, TTS.  With a clinical career that spans more than 40 years, Parks has worked intensively with struggling professionals, including lawyers and physicians since the 1990s. “Carol has directly provided clinical services, trained other clinicians, and successfully managed substance abuse and mental  health programs ranging from a small boutique facility psychiatric hospitals with more than 100 beds,” a biography on the FLA website notes.

Lauren Morris, LMHC, is the case manager. Working in substance abuse treatment since 1980, “She is particularly skilled psychosocial rehabilitation, substance abuse counseling, transitional living, and social re-entry following incarceration,” according to the website.

At the seminar, Lesko stressed the value of diet, exercise, sleep, and recreational activities.

“The one thing that I find is most important is having a person to confide in, a person to talk about this stuff,” he said. “I’m talking about your feelings, how you feel about your finances, how you feel about the family, your tattooed daughter.”

One of the biggest challenges, Lesko said, is that lawyers pride themselves in their dedication to helping clients but ignore their own needs.

“People who are really, really skilled, and really responsible, people who are really good lawyers, good community members, good family members, you can do all of that, but you’ve got to take care of yourself.”

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