Be a Calm Lawyer
'A lawyer who remains composed under pressure tends to appear credible, even when arguing a difficult position'
Jim Vickaryous: 'People share more when they do not feel attacked. They concede more when they feel respected. Calm often does what pressure cannot.'
I once walked into a conference room knowing, before I sat down, that calm had already left the building. Two lawyers were speaking at the same time. A client stared at the table as if it might offer an escape hatch. Papers were stacked, unstacked, then stacked again. Someone sighed loudly, the theatrical kind. Nothing substantive had happened yet, but everyone was already exhausted. I remember realizing that whatever skill I thought I had brought with me would be useless unless the temperature dropped first.
Lawyers are rarely invited into moments of ease. We are summoned when relationships strain, money is at risk, freedom is threatened, or pride has been wounded. Even the most routine legal work often arrives wrapped in anxiety. By the time we enter, people are defensive. They are bracing. They expect conflict because conflict is what led them to us. The setting may look orderly. The emotional undercurrent never is.
The instinct, especially early in practice, is to mirror that intensity. To match urgency with urgency. To raise one’s voice just enough to command the room. That posture can feel like leadership. It may even look like advocacy. Yet it often worsens the very conditions that made the lawyer necessary in the first place. When everyone accelerates, control becomes an illusion.
Calm is not a personality trait. It is not something you either have or lack. Calm is a discipline. It is an intentional slowing when speed is available and even rewarded. The calm lawyer appears to recognize that legal disputes are rarely just about rules or outcomes. They are about fear of loss, fear of exposure, fear of being wrong. Law gives structure. Emotion fills the gaps.
Abraham Lincoln understood this long before modern negotiation theory existed. As a practicing lawyer navigating bitter commercial and personal disputes, he observed that “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” The phrase is quoted so often that it risks becoming decorative. Yet in practice, its meaning remains precise. People share more when they do not feel attacked. They concede more when they feel respected. Calm often does what pressure cannot.
Calm creates space. That space allows clients to say the thing they were initially too embarrassed to admit. It allows opposing parties to reveal interests they would never put in a pleading. It allows a judge to hear an argument without feeling manipulated. None of this requires softness. It requires steadiness.
In everyday practice, calm looks unremarkable. It looks like listening longer than is comfortable. It looks like letting a client repeat themselves because repetition is how stress drains. It looks like declining to respond immediately to an email that was clearly written in anger. It may involve re-reading a message the next morning and realizing how much sharper it sounded the night before. These are quiet choices. They accumulate.
Calm also alters how facts surface. In depositions, witnesses often reveal more after a pause than after a pointed question. In mediation, parties sometimes soften their positions once they believe the room is not hostile. Even in trial, jurors appear to track demeanor as much as evidence. A lawyer who remains composed under pressure tends to appear credible, even when arguing a difficult position.
There is a professional authority that comes with calm. Judges notice it. They may not comment on it, but they register it. A lawyer who does not react theatrically to adverse rulings often earns trust over time. That trust becomes a form of capital. It does not guarantee outcomes, but it influences how arguments are received.
Clients, however, sometimes struggle with calm. Many arrive expecting aggression. They equate volume with effectiveness. When their lawyer does not perform outrage on cue, they may worry the case is not being taken seriously. This creates a subtle tension. The calm lawyer must explain that control is not surrender. That restraint is not indifference. That measured advocacy often outperforms noise.
There are moments when calm is tested most severely. Accusations fly. Deadlines loom. An opponent acts in bad faith. In those moments, calm may feel artificial or even risky. Yet those are often the moments when it matters most. Escalation narrows options. Calm preserves them.
Philosophers have long warned about the cognitive cost of agitation. Seneca wrote that anger, once admitted, becomes a master rather than a servant. Modern psychology appears to support this view. Heightened emotion reduces working memory and impairs judgment. For lawyers, whose work depends on precision, this impairment is costly. Calm keeps the analytical tools intact.
Calm also protects the lawyer personally. Our profession requires repeated exposure to other people’s stress. Over time, that stress transfers. Without regulation, cynicism sets in. Burnout follows. Calm functions as a boundary between the lawyer and the conflict. It allows engagement without absorption. It makes longevity possible.
This does not mean that calm always resolves conflict. Some disputes are driven by incentives that reward escalation. Some parties are committed to chaos. In those cases, calm may not change the outcome. It still changes the process. It reduces errors. It preserves credibility. It prevents regret over words that cannot be retracted.
There is also an ethical dimension to calm. Lawyers occupy positions of influence during moments of vulnerability. How we carry ourselves shapes how others behave. A calm presence can de-escalate a volatile situation before it becomes irreparable. That influence carries responsibility.
I have learned that calm is contagious. One person slowing down can shift an entire room. Not always. Not instantly. But often enough to matter. Calm invites others to lower their guard. It signals that the problem can be handled without spectacle.
Being a calm lawyer does not attract attention. It rarely earns applause. It does not satisfy the urge to perform. Yet it consistently improves communication, sharpens judgment, and protects both client and counsel from unnecessary damage. It keeps the lawyer effective when circumstances are not. It honors the role of counselor as much as advocate. Let’s all resolve to be calm lawyers.
Jim Vickaryous is the managing partner of the Vickaryous Law Firm in Lake Mary and represents the 18th Circuit on The Florida Bar Board of Governors.
