Be a Diplomatic Lawyer
A diplomatic lawyer understands that the goal is not to win every argument but to advance the interests of their client while preserving relationships and keeping lines of communication open
Jim Vickaryous
It was a dark and moonless night. I heard a big commotion outside my house. Reluctantly, I got up to investigate. My heavy front door makes noise when it opens, and the commotion instantly stopped as I stepped into that evening’s darkness. My heart pounding, I walked the short distance towards my garage door. It was hard to see, but two of our large trash cans were left just outside of the garage door. Stepping further into the darkness, I stopped next to the garbage cans. Looking down, I saw the back side of a black bear. She had eaten so much of my garbage, she was stuck in the can and was trying to get herself out. She was now frozen with fear, silent and still, waiting for me to act. A foot away from me, I saw two sets of eyes, belonging to two very small and adorable bear cubs.
When it comes to bears, I am not a hospitable host. However, knowing a mother bear is very unpredictable when it comes to her cubs, I am quite diplomatic when dealing with them. I took one step back and most diplomatically said, “You need to leave.” The terrified cubs turned tail and ran into the darkness. Struggling to get her girth free of my garbage can, she tipped it over, freeing her and dumping my trash all over my driveway. The mother bear ran quickly in the direction of her terrified cubs. Being diplomatic works in most situations, including when dealing with hungry bears. Indeed, the essence of being diplomatic often is what you don’t do.
I broke some basic rules that evening with my bear family neighbors. By being diplomatic, I ended the dangerous encounter without being mauled and without any need of the bears being determined to be a nuisance. As a young boy, I spent many a night at my Alaskan grandmother Alys’ frontier cottage. She was of Quebecois stock, with flowing snow-white hair, dark coal eyes, and a radiant smile. She was protective of her many grandkids, giving Alaskan frontier advice. Before going out to explore the woods next to her home, she would warn, “Jimmy, don’t feed the bears.” Not feeding the bears around you is the most basic diplomacy: I will stay out of your way and you will refrain from eating me. Being diplomatic has nothing to do with having shared values. After all, there are almost no shared values between a bear and a human. However, we can diplomatically do our best to avoid each other.
Unfortunately, we lawyers come across metaphorical bears most every day. By being diplomatic, we can avoid a messy situation despite there being no agreement on any point. Being diplomatic is often simply agreeing to disagree. It is perfectly fine to agree to disagree. It can be a good starting point in understanding an opposing party’s view just to learn that they disagree with everything you assert. Part of diplomacy is first determining what motivates your opponent to come to their conclusion. In the case of my neighborhood bears, it is the need to feed two hungry and growing cubs. The diplomatic solution to that problem is simple enough: keep my garbage cans in the garage at night. In the legal world, the solution is often not that simple.
Being a diplomatic lawyer can be tricky though, as we lawyers must get involved with the other side of a matter. But we can do so without feeding the bear. Success is more often had with an open hand of greeting instead of the closed fist of contention. We have all been in the presence of lawyers blessed with a diplomatic touch. Diplomatic lawyers are rare. They are peacemakers. We marvel at how they effortlessly craft deals, or convince you of their position before you even realize you have been most diplomatically charmed. They are gifted with dealing with the bears they come across in their practice of law.
Respect lies at the heart of diplomacy. As lawyers, we often find ourselves at odds with others, whether it is opposing counsel, a challenging client, or even a judge. The diplomatic lawyer prioritizes finding common ground and working toward mutually beneficial solutions. This does not mean compromising your client’s interests but rather striving for outcomes that reflect equity and respect for all parties involved. When you show others diplomatic respect, you build credibility and establish a reputation for integrity, which can be a powerful asset in both litigation and negotiation. The opposing party may not agree with you today. By being diplomatic, they will know you are open to future entreaties to keep the lines of communication open and, possibly, a future resolution.
Dealing with the disagreeable is another cornerstone of diplomacy. The legal field is replete with personalities and perspectives that make us want to pull our hair out. However, professionalism demands that you rise above personal biases and approach every interaction with respect and courtesy. This can be especially challenging in contentious situations, but maintaining composure and demonstrating respect can help de-escalate conflicts and foster productive discussions. A diplomatic lawyer understands that the goal is not to win every argument but to advance the interests of their client while preserving relationships and keeping lines of communication open.
Listening with a diplomatic ear, we may be able to see points of agreement that we may have otherwise missed in the milieux. Whether you are negotiating a settlement, going over deal points in a transaction, or presenting your case in court, open communication fosters trust and transparency. It is important to listen as much as you speak, as understanding the perspectives and concerns of others can provide valuable insights and lead to more effective solutions. By fostering an environment of open dialogue, the diplomatic lawyer creates opportunities for understanding and minimizes the risk of misunderstandings.
You can’t predict when hungry bears walk into your life. Diplomacy is not just a skill but a way of being that shapes how you interact with the bears in your life. Being diplomatic reflects a commitment to professionalism, collaboration, and the greater good. To peacefully live with the bears in our lives, let’s all resolve to be diplomatic lawyers.
Jim Vickaryous is the managing partner of the Vickaryous Law Firm in Lake Mary and represents the 18th Circuit on The Florida Bar Board of Governors.
