Be a Gracious Lawyer
Gracious lawyers contribute to a more positive and collaborative working environment, which ultimately enhances the quality of their legal practice

Jim Vickaryous
We all need a little grace every now and then. The best way to get grace is to freely give it. Demonstrating kindness, forgiveness, and understanding embodies the essence of grace. Through such action, we not only cultivate a sense of grace within ourselves but also create an environment where grace is more likely to be reciprocated. This reciprocity can lead to a more harmonious and compassionate interaction among individuals and within communities. In the fast-paced and often intense world of law, where arguments and negotiations dominate, the importance of courtesy and class can sometimes be overshadowed by the pursuit of legal victories. However, being a gracious lawyer goes beyond courtroom etiquette, instead it extends into the realm of everyday interactions and personal gestures that can significantly impact professional relationships.
Sometimes a request for grace is so funny that you have to say yes. An opposing counsel sent me this plea, “Jimmy, I lost two associates this month. I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking maybe six feet ain’t so far down. I need one more week for the discovery responses.” Even though I had already given several extensions, I couldn’t say no to this cheeky request. Plus, the same guy had already been very graceful to me early in the case.
One fundamental aspect of being a gracious lawyer is embodying courtesy in the simplest of actions. Opening the door for someone may seem like a small gesture, but it carries immense weight in fostering a positive and respectful atmosphere. In a profession where assertiveness often takes precedence, demonstrating courtesy exhibits a commitment to professionalism and consideration for others. This small act can set the tone for a meeting or negotiation, creating an environment where both parties feel valued and heard.
Similarly, when the other side requests additional time for a matter, responding with grace can make a significant difference. Legal proceedings are unpredictable, and unexpected circumstances can arise, leading to the need for extensions or delays. The gracious lawyer understands the challenges faced by colleagues and opponents alike, and when feasible, willingly accommodates reasonable requests for extra time. This willingness to be flexible fosters an atmosphere of cooperation and goodwill, potentially paving the way for smoother future interactions.
Beyond the confines of the courtroom, personal connections play an important role in the legal profession. Recognizing and celebrating the personal milestones of colleagues and clients is a hallmark of the graceful and classy lawyer. Sending a personalized card for someone’s birthday may seem like a small gesture, but it adds a human touch to the often-formal relationships within the legal community. Remembering and acknowledging these special occasions demonstrates a genuine interest in the well-being of others, transcending the boundaries of professional obligations.
Handwritten notes, in an age dominated by digital communication, have become a rarity. Yet, their impact is undeniable. Taking the time to craft a thoughtful message by hand speaks volumes about the effort invested in nurturing relationships. A handwritten note after a successful collaboration, a challenging case, or even a simple expression of gratitude can leave a lasting impression on colleagues and clients alike. It shows an extra level of care and consideration, distinguishing a lawyer as not just competent but also compassionate. The power of personal cards and handwritten notes lies in their ability to transcend the strictly professional realm. In a profession where adversarial relationships are common, these personal touches create a bridge between legal adversaries, transforming them into respectful counterparts. It humanizes the legal process, reminding everyone involved that behind the legal titles and arguments are individuals with emotions and lives outside the courtroom.
The art of being a gracious lawyer is not just about adhering to a set of formalities, rather it’s about cultivating a culture of respect, understanding, and empathy within the legal community. Gracious lawyers contribute to a more positive and collaborative working environment, which ultimately enhances the quality of their legal practice.
Being a gracious lawyer also encompasses holding back at times. We have all been present when someone in the room erupts in irrational anger. Even for the calmest of us, these outbursts are deeply disturbing. Being gracious often means holding back our own anger in a purposeful effort to bring peace among very angry people. One clear head is often all that is needed to bring grace into a room. If you are the lawyer with this ability to be gracious in adversity, you are a true peacemaker and worth your weight in gold. Your clients will be very pleased to be sitting next to such a skilled and level-headed lawyer.
Being gracious can come in surprising ways in our virtual practice of law. In a virtual hearing, in the first months of the court shutdown of 2020, my opposing counsel’s video worked but we could not hear her. She is a great lawyer and much more gracious than I am. The judge was somewhat upset, as it was my opposing counsel’s motion that was to be heard that morning. I offered to make the argument for my opponent and give my client’s response. My opposing counsel gave the thumbs up sign and the judge agreed. The issue was not determinative, but we did need a decision to keep the case moving. After making my opponent’s argument, she gave me a thumbs up when I asked if I got across what she had intended to say. I gave my argument, and we moved the case along. We both got a good laugh out of that moment for the rest of the case.
The ideals of being a gracious and classy lawyer go beyond legal expertise and courtroom strategies. They encompass a mindset that values courtesy in everyday interactions, accommodates reasonable requests for time, and acknowledges the personal aspects of professional relationships through personal cards and handwritten notes. By embracing these principles, lawyers can not only enhance their own professional reputations but also contribute to a legal community that prioritizes respect, collaboration, and humanity. Being gracious does not mean we need to make the other side’s arguments, but it does build a lot of trust. Let’s all resolve to be gracious lawyers.
Jim Vickaryous is the managing partner of the Vickaryous Law Firm in Lake Mary and represents the 18th Circuit on The Florida Bar Board of Governors.